beyond frustrated

yes, I know what I am about to write is beyond petty.

I had midterms today and Now my brain feels like mush. All I wanted to do was go see a movie with my boyfriend this afternoon and I couldn’t find a sitter to save my life. I know he and I’s relationship is rocky right now because we don’t get to spend a lot of time together. That being said, I know it shouldn’t ruin my whole evening, but I was really looking forward to it. And my motivation to do anything else isn’t there at all. I know I should get up and make dinner, but I really just want to order a pizza and call it a day. I know I should go play princesses with Abby, but Sophia the First sounds like a better idea. I know I should clean my kitchen, but I want it to wait. This isn’t the end of the world and I know this. I just feel really alone right now, and I needed that adult comfort. Just to sit in a dark theater and not have to worry for an hour and a half about school or what’s for dinner or the Kool-Aid stain on my counter.

I was also informed this evening that my ex can’t take the puppy I have been taking care of for him until November… NOVEMBER?!?!?! are you serious?!?! first it was the end of September, then it was the beginning of October, then it was October the 15th…when is this %^#! going to end?! What am I supposed to do with this dog? I can’t take her to the shelter because she’ll be put down because of her breed, and I don’t want to just give her to someone, because Abby loves her, but this is getting to be too much. I feel helpless. And I consciously know it’s because I have battled with depression since I was 14 and it kicks up in the strangest ways. Who else would feel this way about missing a movie?! NO ONE!! No normal person would sit in a child’s chair in the middle of the kitchen and pout like I just did. PATHETIC if you ask me. But this is the hand I was dealt, and though I would rather just call Domino’s I will instead drag myself into my kitchen, clean the Kool-Aid stains off the counter and make a half way decent meal.

What it is you ask? I have no freaking clue. could be mac n cheese, or it could be some chicken dish…. the kitchen is my oyster…kind of.

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